Look at that precious face! That folks is our new bouncing baby boy! (At least that's what we have been told twice now.) We had a private gender scan done at 18 weeks which we took the big brother to. He had been declaring for weeks that the baby was a boy and after tirelessly trying to prepare him for a sister...he was gleefully pumping his fists in the air when the ultrasound tech said..."Yep, it's what I thought...It's a boy." After I popped up on the table and said "You're kidding!" and my husband made the ultrasound tech explain and point out exactly what she was looking at to clarify, we enjoyed R's cheering and laughed at the fact that we both swore it was a girl before we walked into that examination room. After the initial shock of us not being "know it all's" wore off, we were so excited to finally envision what our family is going to look like. A big momma bear and her three little bears. Okay...my hubs would sigh at that analogy, so let's just go with the fact that we are happy to be adding another rambunctious boy with sticky hands, a dirty face and days filled with conversation about cars and dinosaurs. The ultrasound picture above is from his 20 week anatomy scan which went beautifully, despite my many panic attacks the weeks leading up to it. He looks perfect and is growing great. He was measuring a week and a half ahead at that appointment so he will probably be a bigger baby like his brother. I always say I'm a little girl who grows my babies big and then they fall off the growth charts after birth. My big little guy is still fighting to stay on the weight growth chart. My cute little 5 and half year old who only weighs 35 lbs. He is lean, mean, fighting machine...
Our new littlest guy is so loved already and we can't wait to meet him. I pray for his health and happiness daily and really can't wait to kiss his sweet face. We are almost 24 weeks along and counting! Everything continues to progress well and I hope it stays that way! Baby's heart rate was in the 160's at his last appointment and I have been feeling his movements since about 19 weeks. Which I love. I still haven't really documented the belly growth via pictures. But will begin this week as I am getting large and in charge (again) and I don't want to deprive my husband of being able to see his wife grow into a beluga whale. (A cute beluga whale I must add.)
Now onto other pressing matters...my husband left for his deployment. WAAH! (That's me throwing a pity party for myself.) That was a really hard day and first week and all the past weeks have still been hard. I read this article (after my husband had already left, would have been helpful before that point in time...), but it talked about how a deployment is an emotional process. You go through emotional steps at each point in the deployment and man...did it fit my emotions to a tee. I wish I could find the article again, but I can't. It's lost. It explained how many spouses go through a process of denial the months and weeks leading up to a deployment. Which I totally did. It was more of an ignorant naivety for me. Ignoring the fact that it was going to happen and even trying to fool myself, and succeeding in most cases that it wasn't a big deal. That I would be fine. That it would be a "See ya later honey bunny" and we would kiss in the sunlight and skip off in different directions to do what had to be done. Me taking care of the house and kids and him doing his job. It was far from that. Having to say goodbye to my husband for an extended amount of time was terrible. The tears came, the tightness rose in my chest, the panic and just the absolute despair of watching him walk away from me was heart wrenching. You stand there just thinking..."What do I do now?" I don't want to go back to the car by myself. I don't want to go sit at the house by myself. I don't want to talk to anyone but him. So I did what had to be done. I took my son's hand and we rode the escalator twice. Down and then back up, waved one last goodbye to my husband, blew kisses and then rode back down. We walked out to the car to the tune of my son exclaiming how awesome escalator's are and how he wishes he had one. Then I cried. When we pulled up to the house my son said..."Look momma, his car is here, he's home!" I cried. My son asked "Mommy, are you crying? It's okay...don't cry." I cried. That first night was miserable as I tried to wait as long as I could before I had to face the bedroom and bed on my own. (I still sleep on my side of the bed only, even though I have that glorious mattress all to myself). I cried before I fell asleep and then...I woke up the next morning, and I felt a little better. I made it that first day, which meant I could make it each day after that. It's still hard everyday, but we are getting into a routine and working through each day as they come. I am so lucky that I have access to my husband through iMessage, FaceTime, and email. It makes it easier and we don't feel as disconnected as we could. We will get through this deployment with flying colors and I have no doubt our marriage will be stronger because of it.
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