Looking back to this post that I wrote in March of 2009, I never dreamt of the shoes I would be filling now and how our situation would change drastically over the short span of 5 years. Some of my posts were about trying to be grateful for the blessings Rykken and I had in our lives, but also begging God to change our circumstance. Here I am, sitting here writing this in late January of 2014 married to a wonderful man who has been a God send to Rykken and I and expecting a second baby. Two things that I never thought would happen for me, but two things that I wanted desperately even in those early months and first year that Rykken was born. I've re-read this post and the post from March '09 several times over the past two days and I have cried every time. Maybe its pregnancy hormones, maybe its just the fact that God really does listen and answers prayers. We are a healthy thriving family and I'm not doing it on my own anymore and I have a husband who constantly reminds me of that. Maybe just by the way he does all 15 loads of dirty laundry in the house without being asked or letting me take a nap on Sunday afternoons, it could be him even taking Rykken to the Monster Truck Rally for 5 hours on a Saturday evening so I have time for myself and my boy gets to do something he loves (and has been talking about non-stop for a few weeks). Even as a deployment looms and I will be without my husband for a substantial amount of time, I know I still won't be doing it on my own. I now have a forever cheerleader in my corner cheering me on through the bad days and the good and telling Rykken to "knock it off" even if it is over Skype. Alright, enough with the googly eyes and mushy gushy...
Baby #2 who I have lovingly nicknamed Bean. (Although I don't think my husband even knows that, it's just a name I usually say to myself...like for instance when I just get done eating a spicy bean burrito from The Bell and I say "sorry Bean, couldn't help myself, don't worry we will ALL pay for this later.") But I think it fits since early ultrasounds always make your baby look like an alien crossed with a bean. Since I grew up in the UFO capital of the world and refuse to talk about alien's (the jokes and questions get old..quick) or refer to my child as one...Bean it is. Maybe it is also because I have been fixated on bean burritos this pregnancy. I have had a love hate relationship with food since week 6 of my pregnancy. For the first trimester I didn't eat much and sometimes I still get that way, where nothing sounds good and I would be fine eating one saltine cracker and heading to bed at 6 p.m. But if I am in a mood like that, all it takes is one question. "What about a bean burrito?" "Well...okay...let's make it 5." Or there are also times when I just eat like I have been deprived of food for 18 months. Like the other night when I so lovingly made my family frozen chicken fries. (Did I mention I'm a gourmet cook?) I sat there and raved on those things with my mouth half full spraying out tiny pieces of whole grain breading (see I pay attention to our health) while telling my husband how those were "So good, probably the best frozen chicken nuggets, chicken fries, breaded patties...anything I have ever had!" My husband just looked at me blankly nibbling on his serving saying over and over again "honey, they aren't that good". I think at that point he could have started tossing them up for me to catch in my mouth mid air.
I am approaching 18 weeks on Sunday and Bean and I are starting to become more acquainted as I am starting to feel baby movements a couple of times a day. I don't remember when I started feeling movement with Rykken but I would assume it was around this same point. My belly is also starting to get nice and round and of course, just like Rykken I went from 0 - 90 miles an hour in the baby housing department. One day I was wearing my regular jeans and then the next I was standing in front of the clothing rack at Motherhood Maternity asking the sales associate, "Are you sure I should be a medium? I mean with my last I couldn't even fit in maternity pants because my booty and hips were too small..." Her coy smile gave me the answer and I was forced to retreat to the dressing room with 55 pairs of jeans to try on that I swore would not fit. I picked 4 pairs and they fit great right now...they won't for the long haul of this pregnancy though. One pair is already snug due to my ever expanding booty and hips! I feel like I need to talk to my booty in the mirror every morning when I catch a glimpse of that thing following me around. "How did you get so big booty?...Surely it's not the bean burritos."
I have also had a few other more unattractive symptoms this pregnancy that I didn't with Rykken. Besides the sickness, aversion to food and the expanding hips and booty...I am also no where near what you would call a glowing pregnant woman. I have acne, dry skin and dry hair, I'm cold all the time and my round ligaments feel like they are being ripped out of my body every time I yawn, burp, move or run a 5k. (Just kidding...I don't run...ever...in my life.) Sometimes I feel like I would be better suited under a rock wearing yoga pants and an Alf sweatshirt (shout out to my hubs). But I carry on and smile when people wince when they see my appearance. Just like I tell my husband daily "WHAT? I'm pregnant!." That may be the reason I have been so against documenting myself this pregnancy so far. I will get there. I even told my husband last week we needed to start the belly picture documentation...strictly for Bean to look at when she/he is older...not for public release! I will get much bigger and more cranky, but pregnancy is a beautiful blessing and I really do love being pregnant and I know I will miss this pregnancy just like I did after I had Rykken.
On the homefront, Bean is doing well...the 9 week ultrasound looked great. Heart rates have gone from 171 to 157 to 145 and I'm assuming will stick around the 145 mark for the rest of the pregnancy. I am measuring right on time so far! I will be having another c-section and I am seeing the same OB I saw with Rykken. This time around I will get to use a doula through Operation Stork Delivery (if you are military look it up!) and I am so excited for this experience and the advances the hospital I will deliver at are making to embrace family centered c-sections. We are finding out the gender because I am uptight and don't like surprises, but Rykken would like a brother so that he can have another player for his football team. I am thinking this baby is a girl based on how different this pregnancy has been from my last...but only time will tell.
So come on Baby Bean...WAY TO GROW!
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